The Dangers of Alcohol
by Neo the Saiyan angel
Summary: Drakken tries to deal with the morning after a one-night stand. One-shot.


Drakken slowly woke up the next morning, his eyes blinking in rapid succession at the beams of sunlight shining through the mostly transparent cobalt blue curtains. He was tangled in the red comforter of his big, round bed as usual, in the large apartment/condo above the karaoke bar. He thought it was a good investment to buy the bar after saving the world from the Lorwardians three years ago.

The first thing he noticed was that his head was acting as a metronome, the pulsating pain keeping a strong, steady rhythm. His thoughts screamed at him, compounding the agony:

'_Man…I really went all out with the drinking last night—but why? I don't really like to guzzle down the profits. Maybe I should stop with the 'off-key' drinking games…'_

Shifting around a little to pile the comforter onto the left side of his bed, he realized that (aside from the subwoofers-next-to-the-head-style pounding in his cranium) he felt…pretty _good_…loose…like he'd had a good workout followed by a massage. This was something he hadn't felt for a long time. Not since…

His eyes shot straight open, the thought shocking his system into action (and causing an acutely painful throb to rock his skull). To test his theory, he moved his left arm around on its side of his bed. He felt nothing but the bedspread. Beginning to relax, he absently moved his right arm to stretch over the blankets piled up next to him-

-and felt a very soft, yet firm, very warm, and very nude leg as his hand slide up what felt to be past the knee. Just to make sure, he squeezed it a little; maybe a mountain lion had snuck in…and had shaved itself. But then the owner of the leg gave a little moan. The pitch of the voice and the feel of the leg told Drakken enough.

He stopped, still fairly shocked by the fact of the matter, as his eyes went wide and his breathing became erratic. There was an actual woman in his bed! But…gah, he'd blacked out! He couldn't even remember what she looked like! Another pile of blankets was blocking his view and he was too scared to sit up and take a look.

Hoping to buy some time (and because he was really starting to freak out), he removed his hand from her leg and rolled off of the plush bed onto the floor. Drakken managed to catch himself so that he didn't hit the floor too hard, though the fact that it was rock-like tile didn't help much. He ducked down under the edge of the bed as the woman shifted, making a small 'mmph' sound.

He let out a sigh of relief and sat on the ground, realizing too late that he wasn't wearing anything besides what he was born with. A sore lip was the result, as he had to bite them to keep the shockingly cold floor from making him whimper.

Rubbing his head vigorously, he tried to think through the pain to what had happened the night before. He was doing his duties as the owner of the karaoke bar, greeting people, being a sympathetic ear to those that needed it, singing, and knocking back a drink or two with a few of the customers. Then a woman came storming in, crying up a storm.

He was already a bit tipsy at that point. The memory was blurry, her face out of focus. He sat her down…got her a drink…

Oh! That's right. Her husband or boyfriend or something like that had told her he wasn't attracted to her and that he'd found someone else. She was downing the drinks faster than Drakken was. This was even more surprising because…it was her birthday? Yeah…she had just been dumped at her birthday party.

Drakken's heart sank at that. It was worse than his birthday, when no one showed up except his cousin who stole the presents and threw the cake in the toilet. Poor woman. His heart sank more, for a different reason. How would she feel now, having her 'rebound guy' be a blue madman ex-villain with a karaoke bar as his main residence? Sure, he still had some of his former lairs, but it's not like _she_ would know that.

What to do, what to do…grr…how do you apologize for being the guy they slept with because you were both smashed and they were depressed?

Like a sign from heaven, his stomach growled. It didn't strike him immediately. He was still trying to think of a way to make it up to whoever she was. Concentrating on a single task was something Drakken was very good at. But the heavenly powers were having none of it. His stomach growled again, loud enough to make the woman shift.

Quietly grumbling at his stomach, he grabbed his boxer briefs from the floor, out from under his bed companion's bra (a B cup? hmm…at least she isn't fat) and crawled out of the room on his hands and knees, fearing that anything more would wake her. Once he had made it down the short hallway to the living room/kitchen area, he felt safe enough to stand up, put on the clothing, and walk the rest of the way to the fridge.

He opened it, musing on what to fix himself, when he was finally smashed in the head with a holy bugle. If he was hungry, she would be also. Maybe an unforgettable breakfast could eliminate the awkward feelings he definitely felt--and, he was sure, she felt as well--about the situation.

As he prepared the most extravagant breakfast his cooking skills could manage, he started to get excited. He'd actually gotten laid! Sure, there was alcohol involved, and she was upset over being dumped at the time, and he was probably in for a world of hurt from her likely-to-apologize significant other, but non-mind-controlled action was still something to be celebrated. He'd have one heck of a story for the chat room tonight. She was fairly thin, too. Thank goodness! That meant that it wasn't DNAmy. That woman had gone even farther up the obesity scale after Monkey Fist became a doorstop.

Drakken, unlike most, had actually managed to get into better shape with age (most would attribute it to the plant mutations, though he never felt like checking). His hair was also still intact, not even a white hair yet, and the damage Shego had inflicted on him when she realized he was planning on settling down in the karaoke bar had finally healed.

He was actually proud of his culinary accomplishments that morning. Sunny-side up eggs…bread, toasted and buttered to perfection…bacon that was crispy yet chewy, without the dripping fat…topped off with pancakes fluffy enough for some people to think they were pillows.

He placed the lavish food on a tray he kept around in case he wanted a decent meal but had to do work in the bar downstairs. The meal made his own mouth drool; but it was more important to make sure she got the food first.

Drakken carefully picked up the tray, making sure not to spill the banana-strawberry smoothie he had made to accompany the feast, and proceeded slowly down the hallway. He stopped short of the doorway, his eyebrow twisting up and his face grimacing at a thought. What if she hated it, or she just started to freak out?

He shook his head in a short, quick burst to stop himself from thinking such negative thoughts. His eyebrows went back down on his face as he set his jaw in determination.

What was the point of backing off now? He already had the breakfast done, he was right outside the doorway, and if she freaked, then let her! It doesn't matter much now if she was disgusted. At least he tried, right? Effort counted, didn't it?

He quickly walked through the doorway, hoping that a quick entry would make for a less painful reaction. She was sitting up in the bed now, so-

Drakken froze. His gaze locked with hers, neither of them being able to breathe as they realized who the other was.

No.

No way.

It can't be.

It's impossible!

Kim Possible was sitting in the bed, the bedspread held up to her chin, the expression on her face mirroring his own.

As the tray went crashing to the ground, the shattering of plates and the splattering of food was joined by the screams of a young woman and the thump of a large man as he crumpled to the floor.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

_No, this isn't the end of this. This is a one-shot, but I'm not finished with this idea yet. Hello, story line!  
_

_Criticism is appreciated. I'd prefer constructive, but anything's welcome. Have fun with this, either reading it or blasting it. Any flames can be used to warm up the stew that I feed the other plot bunnies. Keep their strength up until I can listen to their evil ideas. And then get even MORE flames for cooking their meals._

_Thanks to Samurai Crunchbird for being the beta.  
_


End file.
